I woke up on Tuesday morning as usual, a bit of a grown and a stretch and then checked my phone. The 'news' app had flashed up saying about the horrendous attack on young children and families in Manchester. My heart broke and I literally jumped up and shouted "What the f*@k?!?'
I was so fortunate that I didn't personally know anybody involved, but my heart broke all the same. I literally was in a daze all day yesterday - couldn't even string sentences together and I couldn't understand really why. I hadn't been hurt, nobody I knew was injured but I couldn't help but think about what had happened so so close to home.
As the day went on I realised what it was, why I was so shaken. I hate to say it, but it was fear. Every time I heard a noise or a bang from a vehicle drive past the clinic I jumped. I was thinking about my loved ones all day hoping they were safe and staying out of harms way. I know I'm not alone either, I can't imagine what some people had to face yesterday. The families who have lost loved ones, the emergency staff who have had to treat people and deal with the atrocities of what happened.
When fear takes over us it can ruin us. I have woken up this morning fearing so many things. I worry about where my husband is going, what my family is doing today, where my friends are... is everybody going to be safe??
I know I can't let this happen though and I know that the people of Manchester are so strong. We can all get through this and we will recover and be stronger. No bastards will ever make us fearful of going out with friends, going to work, going to a bloody concert. We're Mancs! Nobody messes with a Mancunian right! So I hope that from here we can all stand together. Every creed and colour. Every race and religion. I am so proud to be a Manc right now because I know Mancs don't fear anything! We're friggin hard nuts!
So today I will leave my fear at home... in a small box... hidden under a pile of stuff that I don't ever look at. I don't need to take that shit with me. It doesn't fit in my bag or my pocket and it's certainly not coming with me to work. I will be strong and brave and not worry about some bastards who want to take our freedom. I will continue to be me and I hope you continue to be you! Don't let fear get in the way today - with anything! If nothing else, this has taught me that life is too short to keep worrying about stupid shit and get on with things.
I hope you are all safe and well. I hope you have not been affected by any of these horrific circumstances and if you have, from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry.
We live in the most amazing city and I'm so proud to be a part of it!
I read this quote this morning and it really struck a cord...
'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.” “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” “There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” “Don't be afraid of your fears.'
Thank you for reading,